Rage against the machine

"be angry.. but sin not"
This past weekend I got angry to the point of no return. If I could get one of those  amusement park gifts for hitting the pin and making it go all the way to the top using my anger I would win a HUGE teddy bear and probably break the game. I said something and did some things that I regret.

Now I feel guilty and I have one more thing to add to my list of regrets.

So people when God said in His word that we can "be angry,  but sin not" He knew exactly what he was talking about.

How did I get to the point of no return? Frustration with life, love, finances, work, school and so on and so forth. Smiling on the outside while crying on the inside. Caring so much for those around me that I didn't want to show your hurt, pain or anger.  Its been working for me, but I guess trying to plan a wedding while having all this pinned up emotions is not a good idea. The worse part is I pray everyday, I work out often, so how did this rage build up so much? I dont know!!!!

*********Is there an I-phone app for mending a broken hearts?***************

Unlike my other posts, I really dont have any suggestions as to overcoming this feeling because I am still in shock. I never thought that person could ever be me. The worse part is all the things that led me to that point are still there so does that mean it will happen again? My fear: I dont know.

I am just tired and feel the need for a vacation. The thing about vacations though, you have to return.
Wish I was a professor or something. I would take a 2-months sabbatical and go to Zimbabwe and continue my missions work where I left of 10 years ago.

I guess the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that God has forgiven me and so I have to forgive myself. If the person who my actions were taken against forgives me, that would be a plus, but I doubt that will happen.

So.. If you are angry, frustrated, bitter, depressed or anything try to let someone know ASAP because you will never know when you will just SNAP!!!!


My other piece of advice: in everything, TRY to let go and Let God!!!