Satisfaction

Boy has it been a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im sure you know by now.. I suck at blogging!! Idk why I even started, but every time my heart gets heavy  I feel this need to blog, but I get shy and sleep away the sadness. 
Well since my last post...I have gotten married, lost my job, and am currently 4 months into my first pregnancy. Its been an interesting journey, which I will share on a later date. 


On to my topic today:


Do we ever feel fulfilled in life? 


I just sent an email of encouragement to an associate of mine who is completing her master's degree,  is a consultant  who manages a team of 5or more people in one of the nations fortune 500 companies and she has "checked all the boxes" in her life but she is single, so she feels....well im sure you can imagine how she feels. 


Then there is someone like me, married, with child and cant think of any box that I have completely checked off, currently unemployed and not quite sure what my next move is supposed to be....but something tells me that because I have a "ring on it" my dear associate  would probably trade places with me in a heart beat.......Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I cant help but imagine, if she got  married tomorrow....would she feel fulfilled? wouldn't there be something else that she does not have that she think she needs to complete her?


Where does our contentment lie? Is it in education, family, church, friends? how many degrees till we feel "accomplished" or how many friends till we feel "loved" or how many more church functions can we attend to feel "sanctified."


I have been fortunate enough to attend a weekly teaching series on self awareness and I tell you, if you dont know who you are, especially us Christians, then we have a very tough road ahead of us and its not fun. 


Believer or no believer though, its imperative that you  try to figure out your self worth outside of your accolades because when you walk across that stage with your doctorates degree in hand and realize that you are still not "fulfilled" and you are.... mmhhmm lets say even 35 yrs old....it affects everything else..... and not in a positive way


Find yourself!!!! Set reasonable goals!!!! Attain those goals, but know that your achievements do not define you!!!!!!!!!


For the past 4 months I have been struggling with the idea of being unemployed and feeling like an utter failure, but that was because I thought that having/not having a job somehow  changed who I am... it doesn't. I am still me, God's loved one, my mother's daughter, my husband's wife and most importantly...my 
baby's mama :)


In all things I truly give God praise and I know that my true satisfaction is with Him. I hope you find yours. 

42 Days more

So, its finally sunk in
I have 42 more days till I officially become Mrs. Love ...S... :)
I am very excited actually.
My fiance and I have decided to commit the whole planning to God and with the help of family and friends we have things in motion.

Event coordinator - Creations for sure - website coming soon
Dress: check - Bridals by Lori - www.bridalsbylori.com
Cake - check - German bakery in stone mountain, Ga www.germanrestaurant.com
Photograpy and video - check- http://www.cryxtalx.com/
Caterer- checkReception Hall -check

ok you get the point... I am super excited!!!!

My A-team consisting of my event cordinator, my best friends and my mother have been incredible but most incredible of them all has been the boo... we have our days... boy do we ever, but lately he is trying extra hard to keep peace for the rest of the 42 days and has assured a drama free process. I am super grateful to God!!!


The only hiccup in this wedding process is the traditional portion...omg its so exhausting!!!!. I mean as I type this, 42 days to my wedding, my traditional clothes are just being "cut". Not made! Not to mention I have no clue how the clothes are getting back to me here in the states. I mean besides taking like a month to find a RELIABLE person to just buy the materials!!! uurgghhh!!

Lets not even because to discuss the expense associated with buying "indian george"  and "french lace". But by the special grace of God, it will all come together!!!  Maybe later Ill show you the fabrics ... :)


My intention was to share the details of my wedding on this blog to show my life as a testimony, so stay tuned for the testimonies cuz they are PLENTY!!!

Rage against the machine

"be angry.. but sin not"
This past weekend I got angry to the point of no return. If I could get one of those  amusement park gifts for hitting the pin and making it go all the way to the top using my anger I would win a HUGE teddy bear and probably break the game. I said something and did some things that I regret.

Now I feel guilty and I have one more thing to add to my list of regrets.

So people when God said in His word that we can "be angry,  but sin not" He knew exactly what he was talking about.

How did I get to the point of no return? Frustration with life, love, finances, work, school and so on and so forth. Smiling on the outside while crying on the inside. Caring so much for those around me that I didn't want to show your hurt, pain or anger.  Its been working for me, but I guess trying to plan a wedding while having all this pinned up emotions is not a good idea. The worse part is I pray everyday, I work out often, so how did this rage build up so much? I dont know!!!!

*********Is there an I-phone app for mending a broken hearts?***************

Unlike my other posts, I really dont have any suggestions as to overcoming this feeling because I am still in shock. I never thought that person could ever be me. The worse part is all the things that led me to that point are still there so does that mean it will happen again? My fear: I dont know.

I am just tired and feel the need for a vacation. The thing about vacations though, you have to return.
Wish I was a professor or something. I would take a 2-months sabbatical and go to Zimbabwe and continue my missions work where I left of 10 years ago.

I guess the only thing that keeps me sane is knowing that God has forgiven me and so I have to forgive myself. If the person who my actions were taken against forgives me, that would be a plus, but I doubt that will happen.

So.. If you are angry, frustrated, bitter, depressed or anything try to let someone know ASAP because you will never know when you will just SNAP!!!!


My other piece of advice: in everything, TRY to let go and Let God!!!

2/7/11- Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result

I think the title sums it all up!!  I have heard that phrase over an over again and I realize more and more how true it is.
I was driving to work this morning after and I was trying to pray and I realized that I was getting distracted really easily. I could not for the life of me just stay focused on my prayer. Everyday I dash out of the house, "say a prayer" and expect my day to just be filled with some special annointing. Thats insane!!!
Its not, I realized (have this realization quiet often) that God is not google, I can't just call Him up, type in my question, complaint, or dress color and expect an array of answers. God wants a relationship, and I have had the hardest time giving Him that!!!!

What are some reasons you might not have a relationship with God? Well for me, sometimes He just doesnt seem real, you know? Because He is not physically here. But what about the many times He was revealed Himself to me. I mean what about the times when I have gotten on my knees and I have said "God, I want to go to Morrocco on a missions trip and I dont have a dime, so please provide everything" and He does.
Ok that may have been coincidental, I mean afterall it is a missions trip, church members will raise the money for you...
Then there was my trip to Nigeria where after spending 3 weeks in Nigeria I came back with money, all you NIgerians know thats a miracle.. not to mention how much people blessed me when I was leaving.

I guess all I am really trying to say is... If you have been in the same spot in different aspects in your life, try something different. If you are not hearing from God, try fasting, prayer and reading the word...consistently. If that isnt working, try having your own personal communion with God. Dont give up and definitely dont continue to do the same thing you have been doing if its not working.

If you get angry easily or have road rage, like me, dont drive, ok I am just kidding, but seriously, if you continue to yell, curse and do all those nonsense things, does is change the situation? NO!!! matter of fact it makes it worse. So try something new!! Try leaving for where ever you are going 10 minutes earlier so when grandma is going 10 mph below the speed limit, you know you have a 10 minute cushion. I know its easier said than done but I have tried it, it works. You wont change over night, but you will definitely see progress.

Well thats all I wanted to share.

1/6/10: Truth hurts

I found out the truth about myself yesterday, and it hurt. The worst part is, I told myself the truth. I realized I have the tendency to exaggerate pain, for example if someone says "oh Love, shut up" depending on my mood my mind will magnify that to "Love shut the H@#$ UP! You are always talking! ooh I cant stand you!" and then I wonder why I get my feelings hurt so quickly. I decided today to try to see things at face value. So the next time someone does something to me, its just that, something. It doesn’t change who they are or their relationship with me, they simply did something. I don’t know if you understand what I am saying and whether or not it applies to you but I hope you take time out to tell yourself the truth once in a while.

I find the best time to do a self check is during traffic. There is nothing like sitting in a car for 90 minutes, turning the radio off and just meditating. You find a lot about yourself that way. No one is perfect, so when you find out all your many flaws, please don’t be overwhelmed or depressed, take it one issue at a time. For example, there is more to my “truths” I found about myself than just exaggerating pain, but I have anger issues too and several others but I will work on this first because I know that if I can stop thinking the worse of people and what they really mean when they offend me, I can suppress and manage my anger better.

I am in a happy place today, made a very important decision in my life today and I pray it’s the right one. One thing I am sure of though, God’s grace is sufficient for me!!!!
His grace can help you through your “truths too”

That’s all for today guys, I’m sleepy!!!

Proverbs 3:34
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble"

1/4/11 - My child's future ... what does it hold?

Clearly,

I am not the best at this blogger thing seeing as my last entry was 3 days ago, but better late than never right?

My topic for today is something that I am really passionate about: Children, but, in particular the education system and our children.

I am not in the education field so I am not here to judge the teachers or principals, but I just want to vent about what our children are lacking. Our children are lacking education. Think about it, nowadays you cannot even sit down and tutor your child basic math. I had a math minor in college and since my sister entered the 5^th grade I stopped helping her with her math homework because there is a “new way” to multiply, there is a “new way” to add, and there is “short cut” to this and a “short cut” to that. It is insane. The educational system is teaching our children how to memorize and not learn. I can’t really say I learned that much in high school but I do know there are some things I still remember because of how the teachers taught them. Now the teachers have to spend half their time preparing the children for standardized tests. There are the CRCT’s in elementary school, then the high school tests in high schools, then of course the SAT, none of which are geared towards testing the children on what they actually learn in class. We are confusing our children and we don’t know why.

I was out having dinner with my girls and we started talking about this and one of my friends, a teacher, mentioned that there are students in her  12 grade class that do not know how to read. We all concluded after that conversation that we were afraid to have children. There is no doubt in my mind that 12 years from now our children will be dummies, literally and it’s frightening.  We are depending so much on computers and standardized tests and that’s bothers me.  My  11 year old sister  has her text book online and all her assignment are sent to her online, all in an effort to “save money” yet we still waste resources having classes like “dance” and “fashion marketing”.   Now we have children who at the age of 9 need computers to do their homework or project because now, every research project is done searching on Google. What happened to the good ole library and using books to find answers? And we really wonder why we have doctors and engineers who are willing to “cut corners” and kill patients and collapse bridges.   We have children who grow up “googling” everything that when they get to college  they don’t learn, all the papers are written using cliff notes and dog-pile and so on and so forth.  It’s a shame. Children do not learn any more…….. They memorize and “B.S”.  Teachers are so busy at their 6 meetings a week which they are forced to attend that they don’t have the energy to grade papers the way they should because it has become their responsibility, NOT THAT OF THE STUDENT NOR THE PARENT,  to help these children pass their standardized tests, and oh yea learn basic math and sciences.

I don’t know what will happen years from now and I don’t know how to help the school system but I want to try. I want to give my children a shot at learning. I don’t want my children’s teachers to lose their jobs because they were forced to change answers on my child’s standardized test to make the school look good.  We have heard so many teachers getting fired for “snapping” on students and breaking all kinds of rules and although I don’t condone their behavior, but I can understand. When you have a principal asking you “what are you doing to help this child pass” and  a parent asking “why is my child not passing” and a child telling you “I didn’t feel like doing my homework.” What do you do? When your job security is depending on a child with absolutely no willingness to learn and a parent who just doesn’t seem to care? What do you do?

Parents, I know it’s hard to work and do other things in your life, but it’s the responsibility of the teacher to explain the text books and other course material, but its YOUR responsibility to make sure your child is willing to learn. It takes less than 1 hr to go over your children’s homework.  Just like getting to work early, your child’s future should be a priority too.

What can I do to help the educational system in my county? In my state? In this country?

Prov. 4:7 - "Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding."

Prov. 2:3-5 - "Call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the
knowledge of God."

1/1/11

Hi My name is Love ...ok Just kidding, I will introduce myself later ...
Its a brand new year and I am sooooo excited about the things that are in store for me this year!!!

So I start off with a blog :)

I am dedicating this blog to my friends.
They inspired me to write this blog, and I promised my bestie, during NYE service that I will start writing today. They are the best friends a girl could ever have. After today I might introduce you all to them, with thier permission.

This is my first time doing this. I have never even written a "note" on facebook. I actually have a lot to say, about everything and as time passes I hope you enjoy reading my blog, and please feel free to input.

First thing is first... I am getting married in exactly 16 Weeks!!!! wooohoooo!!!! Yup my beau and I have been together for 4.5 years. We met on our college campus and have been inseperable since.

Now this wedding is not like any other...well maybe like some others.. in the sense that it is ordained only by God  and will defintiely happen only by the GRACE of God... hence the name of my blog.

LOVE IS...by Love I am referring to God's love!
I will tell you more bout God's love another time seeing as  I have some wedding planning to do :)

Happy New Year

Ephesians 1:5